10.Harpua Album
This next song, this next song is a story. And as with all good
stories, this story begins with an Om-pa-pa.
And this is the Om-pa-pa.
1, 2, 3
Om-pa-pa oom-pa-pa oom-pa-pa oom-pa-paaaaa
Fat sweaty bulldog
Stood in the sun
Stone village swamp man
Slow motion run
Tender poke police walker
Precious birthday fudge
Swamp knife bull nail
Walker done done
Me and Harpua, we couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time, we beat Okimo
Me and Harpua, we couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time, we beat Okimo
Hot liquor stone jack
Bitter toothless flesh
Shabby pimple chin-slime
Evil milky rash
Me and Harpua
Spastic dead-eyed hound
Oozing dreadlock skullcap
We're coming to your town
We'll help you party down
Me and Harpua, we couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time, we beat Okimo
Me and Harpua, we couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time, we beat Okimo
(The Story Part)
ONCE! Upon a time. In a land far, far. There lived a young boy
named Jimmy.
ONCE! Upon a time. In a land far,far,far. There lived a cat. And
this cat belonged to Jimmy.
ONCE! Upon a time. In a land far, far, far, far. There lived a
dog named Harpua. Harpua. Harpua. The name sent chills and
shivers down every cat in the land far, far, far.
Because Harpua was the meanest, fattest, ugliest killer bull dog
in all of the land far, far, far, far, far.
Well, one day, Harpua was miandering through town looking for
some action. Basically, he was looking for a hot lunch. And as
he walked, he sauntered slowly forward putting one furry paw in
front of the other until he turned around a corner and there in
front of him was... a cat.
You guessed it. It was Jimmy's cat. And the name of the cat was
the feared, the vennerable, the meanest cat in all of town. It
was the famous Poster Nutbag.
Well, the two of them looked at each other and they, they knew
who the other one was. Being that Poster Nutbag was the meanest
cat in all of town and Harpua was the meanest dog in all of
town. They were sort of legands in their own time. So they
looked at each other and Harpua felt a growl go through his
body. He knew there was gonna be a nasty fight. He looked at
Poster Nutbag frozen in terror in front of him. And Poster
Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch! The fight was about
to begin! And a hungry drop of saliva dripped out of Harpua's
mouth and landed on the cement below!
'Look! The storm's gone.'
'Jimmy.'
'Yes, dad.'
'Jimmy, I have some bad news.'
'What is it dad？'
'It's about your cat, Poster.'
'You mean, Poster Nutbag？'
'Your cat died! Poster is dead. Poster is dead. Poster's so
dead. How 'bout a goldfish？'
'I don't want a goldfish. I don't want a goldfish. I don't want
a goldfish. I want a dog. A dog.'
There's a dog in the station
With an ugly mutation
And it needs lubrication each day
Theres' a dog in the station
Contemplating rotation
As a form of recreation and play
A dog
There's a dog in the station
With a bad reputation
It's a sign of the nation's decay
But the dog in the station
Doesn't need a vacation
As the people rush by dressed in grey
This one is dedicated to Sam.
A dog
A dog
A dog
◎⊱⋇⊰⊙⊱⋇⊰⊙⊱✣⊰⊙⊱⋇⊰⊙⊱⋇⊰◎
Oom pa-pah,
Oom pa-pah,
Oom pa-pah,
Oom pa-paaaa-aaaaaaaah
Fat sweaty bulldog
Stood in the sun
Stone village swamp man
Slow motion run
Tender poke police walker
Precious birthday fudge
Swamp knife bull nail
Walker done done
Me and Harpua,
We couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time,
We beat Okimo
Me and Harpua,
We couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time,
We beat Okimo
Hot liquor stone jack
Bitter toothless flesh
Shabby pimple chin-slime
Evil milky rash
Me and Harpua
Spastic dead-eyed hound
Oozing dreadlock skullcap
We're coming to your town
We'll help you party down
Me and Harpua,
We couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time,
We beat Okimo
Me and Harpua,
We couldn't care few-a
It happens all the time,
We beat Okimo
It's Halloween night in Gamehendge, and, somewhere on the
outskirts- somewhere on the outskirts of gamehendge this
Halloween night lived an old man, and, the old man, right now,
as we speak, is, he's walking down this hill. And, he's walking
down the hill towards the town, and it's late, late at night.
People are pretty much sound asleep in their beds. And, uh, this
old man is walking down this hill, and he's walking down next to
this dog, and he, I was just singing about him before, so... Do
you guys know the story？ It's the famous 'Harpua.' Yes, you know
it？
Anyway, it's Halloween night. And, on Halloween night, Harpua
sometimes takes on some of the most evil shapes of all, his
fangs growing longer, and ugly mucus coming off his face, and,
uh, turning into an aweful killing machine. And so these two
people are walking into town, and, and um, as they're walking
down into town, the people of the town are all asleep, and they
don't know what's coming. But, these two people, the evil
people, are coming towards them. And, as they sleep, they're all
dreaming together.
If you can picture this, they're all having this, this terrible
nightmare. And, as they're having this terrible nightmare, the
eeriest thing about it is that they're all dreaming the same
dream, simultaneously. So, here comes the man, walking to town,
and the people are dreaming the same simultaneous dream...
...I'm in my parents' house...
I am downstairs...
I start walking upstairs...
One step at a time...
I am upstairs in my parents' old house...
All of the rooms are empty...
I walk down the hallway...
I see something scurry, so I walk towards the bathroom...
I walk in the bathroom, and it's a raccoon...
I say, 'Watch it, racky!' and I push the raccoon into the
bathtub, quickly, and walk back towards the bathroom door,
closing it, and turn around, heading towards the bedrooms.
Suddenly, I see motion in the bedrooms...
I walk towards that motion, and I can start to see...
Many raccoons in the bedroom!...
Hundreds of raccons, in the bedroom, coming at me!...
So I walk towards those bedroom doors, trying to push what would
be the raccoons, backwards, into the bedroom, one raccoon at a
time, but it seems like there are many, many, too many
raccoons!...
And they start comming towards me, and I start coming towards
them!...
And I start to notice that, they're tiny raccons!...
BABY RACCOONS!!!
Everyone was dreaming this dream at the same time, just as you
will all dream this dream when you go home tonight.
But, lo! One person wasn't dreaming the dream. And that one
person was Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't dreaming the dream, because Jimmy
wasn't asleep. Jimmy was actually sitting on the couch, with his
little pussycat, Posternutbag. Jimmy was sitting with
Posternutbag, and playing his favorite album, which, lo, was the
very same album that Phish was playing as their Halloween album
at Rosemont Horizon that night.
When, suddenly, Posternutbag Runs outside, encounters Harpua.
They battle.
'Look! the storm is gone.'
'Jimmy...'
'Yes, dad？'
'Jimmy, I have bad news.'
'What is it, dad？'
'Jimmy, it's your cat.'
'You mean, Posternutbag？'
'Your cat died!'
'Poster is dead.
Poster is dead.
Poster's so dead.'
'How 'bout a goldfish？'
'I don't want a goldfish!...
I don't want a goldfish!...'
'How 'bout a-'
'I don't want a goldfish!...
I want...'
'A raccoon-'
'A dog!...'
'A ra-'
'A dog!...'
There's a dog in the station,
With an ugly mutation,
And it needs lubrication each day.
Theres' a dog in the station,
Contemplating rotation,
As a form of recreation and play...
A dog...
There's a dog in the station,
With a bad reputation,
It's a sign of the nation's decay.
But the dog in the station,
Doesn't need a vacation,
As the people rush by dressed in gray...
A dog...
A dog!...
A dog!...
A dog!...
Please submit any other versions of the story to add to these if
you can find them!
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